She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
