Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
