that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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