you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
