he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
