So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
