apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
