but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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