so explain again why im purple
no
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
