Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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