Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
