Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
