ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
