We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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