I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
