do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
