the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
jump out the window naked night went bad
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
