remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
