the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
