its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
