Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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