I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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