how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
