they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
