It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
