Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
