Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
