were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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