your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
