Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
