So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
