Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
