I met the friendliest cop last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
