Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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