A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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