Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
