This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize