can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
