just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
