***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
