Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize