True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
