I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
