Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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