whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
