if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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