guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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