Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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