OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize