And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
