I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
