I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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