That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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