After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
