Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize