is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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