saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
