Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
