Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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