the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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