the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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