Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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