I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize