is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
