Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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