That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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